It's Been A While

I edited this picture, my back and my chin but I still do not like it. I wish that I did because my little girl is in it with me. I stopped editing when I reached my tummy because there was nothing that I could do to make it appear smaller. The good thing is that there is something that I can do about it for future pictures....Try Again. I am going to exercise as much as I can convince myself to. I plan on eating what ever I want in the mean time because I figure that if I can start with exercising regularly than I will most likely start to feel better and then hopefully I will get to the eating part of it later.

Here goes another try.

I Do Not Heart How I Look

How can I love myself right now if I do not ever plan on liking what I see? I do not want to look like this and I do not want to find a way to love how I look right now. I think that being in shape is attractive and that is what I want to love. However I do think that I have to love and respect myself enough in order to achieve a new look and lifestyle. But sadly, as of right now I am chubbier than ever, Dam it.

I am Frustrated !

I shove things into my mouth that I know will only hurt me. Terrible foods, alcoholic drinks and smelly smoke. (sometimes) I feel like I am an idiot because the last thing that I want to do is die so why am I willingly increasing this risk? I try and not judge others but in this case.. I do. If you think that putting harmful things into your body can never have a negative effect on you or your loved ones than I think that you are really, really wrong. I think that more people should take responsibility for how they treat there health instead of just thinking that life threatening conditions like diabetes and other illnesses just appear. I am pissed off at myself because I know what can happen when harmful things enter your body and yet I put them into myself. I will never rest in peace if I know that I got my self into an early grave that Lily would stand over one day.  

BUT I can rest in peace as of right now because I know that I am trying. I guess that I am just frustrated because I am finding this hard to change.